First things first: I’m going back to using the em dash. I avoided them for so long because of the AI-associated BS they were catching, but I don’t care, I like them, and they’re perfect for the way my brain works. This has nothing to do with the post, but I just wanted to put it out there. Anyway.

Recently while doing some cold outreach—which, believe it or not, is still effective—I had the grand idea of scouring marketing job postings with the intended goal of emailing the hiring company to suggest that maybe they hire Branch instead, and it dawned on me: marketing job postings are absolutely unhinged.

It’s like the wild, wild west out there. The job descriptions I read were basically hiring for an absolute unicorn who wears 7 to 10 hats. For example:

Marketing ManagerFull-time · One (1) person
  • Own the end-to-end marketing strategy yes
  • Run all marketing campaigns yes
  • Ideate, film, and edit all social media content
  • Manage all social media channels
  • Website management wtf?
  • General office tasks wtf x2?
  • Coordinate partnerships
  • Run all ad platforms
  • And finally, at least 100+ years of experience

This post tells me they’re looking for an ads specialist, a one person production company, an office assistant, a director of partnerships, and more, but is this magical unicorn going to do every job effectively, or just good enough to get by? More importantly, it tells me they don’t actually know what marketing is.

It feels like the idea of what marketing is and what a marketer does—developing the broad, long-term strategy a business uses to identify, anticipate, and satisfy customer needs—has been lost to the sands of time thanks to the fast-paced world that we live in. Social media seemingly consumes all and demands volume over authenticity.

Companies aren’t hiring a marketer. They’re hiring a content machine and calling it marketing.

That’s why the role never works. When you stack ten execution tasks on one person and give them zero strategic mandate, you’ve built a job where the best possible outcome is “busy,” not “growing.”

So here’s my ask: before you post the unicorn listing, send it to me. Seriously. I’ll read it and tell you what you’re actually hiring for—and whether it’s one person, three people, or a strategy you haven’t written yet. No pitch, no deck. Just an honest read from someone who’s seen a lot of these.

And if it turns out what you need is the thinking before the hire, well, that’s what we do at Branch.

Got a unicorn listing in the drafts folder?
Send it over. You’ll get an honest read on what you’re actually hiring for. No pitch, no deck.
Send me your posting